Open letter to working mothers stop feeling guilty


CaptureDear Working Mother,

It is difficult to stay away from your children at work and consistently tell yourself that you are doing your very best for them. But believe it that your children will turn out just fine. Really.

If you are like most working moms you probably don’t feel that way. You may feel that you are constantly struggling to find time for your children and something or the other is always left undone. Be it spending time with your children amid stringent deadlines or living up to promises you made to them. And to top it all, there is your extended family who make demands on your time. Ageing parents, important marriages and of course socializing for your own benefit.

But consider this, of you are always allowing yourself to feel guilty about time spent away from home, you are anyways compromising the work situation without bettering the guilt factor. What’s the WIN here for you?

Try adopting the following attitude and see how the whole thing changes for you.

Mothering away from home is not something new. Your ancestors probably had a large joint family where children grew up away from mothers nestling in their grandmother’s or aunts’ bosoms. Moms got time away from home even when they didn’t have to go out and work. Now when families are becoming increasingly nuclear, children will similarly adapt to these changing circumstances and learn a few things about managing away from mom.

Be “good enough” instead of “perfect”. No, we don’t mean this lightly. Doing everything for your children doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing your best. Doing “good enough” means that whatever you are doing will benefit them and take a huge amount of pressure off your back.

Refuse to listen to people who constantly make you feel guilty. The fact is that there is no right way to raise children. One mother’s experience with her child shouldn’t be your benchmark to measure yourself against. If you do that, you are simply setting up against failure and more guilt.

Don’t be distracted when spending time with children. While spending time with your children minimize other distractions and don’t multitask as much as possible. The best way is to go out with them and do something special. If that isn’t always possible, take cues from your child and simply follow with what he/she wants to do at that time.

And finally, stop comparing yourself with other stay at home mothers. The comparison isn’t a fair one and what works for them will not work for you. All the time and energy you free up with the above suggestions will help you spend quality time with your children!