Swaddling your Baby is Sweet

July 2, 2013 By: Bril

The practice of baby-swaddling dates back centuries and is still common in many cultures. Swaddling involves wrapping a baby securely from shoulders to feet with a small blanket. American Indians and people from the Middle East use bands and more sophisticated swaddling techniques, but more traditional swaddling techniques are still practiced in such countries as Turkey, Afghanistan and Albania.

Not only can swaddling be a great way to calm and sooth a fussy infant, it’s also been shown to lower the risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). At the age of three months, when the risk for SIDS is greatest, traditional American swaddling techniques allow a baby to escape. It allows the baby to stay in a more stable position while sleeping, thereby lowering the SIDS risk. In addition, swaddling has been shown to help babies sleep longer and more restfully by preventing the sudden movements that can cause them to wake up, thereby improving mom and dad’s sleep quality and quantity also. Babies who are swaddled are said to feel secure, similar to how they felt while in utero. It can also assist in temperature regulation, keeping baby nice and toasty warm while sleeping.

A couple of additional perks to swaddling come during waking hours, too. A swaddled baby is easy to carry and hold ¾ an adorable, compact little package. It can also help baby focus on breast or bottle feeding by keeping little hands out of the way.

Swaddling usually works best from newborn to approximately four months, but if baby is used to being swaddled, and then it might be utilized even longer. Babies just being introduced to swaddling may require an adjustment period. Modified swaddling, such as leaving arms free while swaddling the rest of baby’s body, might be needed when first introducing the practice to your baby. The blanket should always feel snug but not tight. Take special care to ensure baby’s circulation is not compromised in any way or that baby is not uncomfortable. Ask a nurse, physician, midwife or other knowledgeable healthcare practitioner to demonstrate the correct technique for swaddling your baby.

How Technology Leaves its Mark on Children?

July 2, 2013 By: Bril

I am still not sure if I would be lucky enough to drop in at ParentEdge premises soon and have a chance to gauge what the perception is on how technology leaves its mark on children – an issue which has been in my mind for long. So I thought – Why not pen down my thoughts on this topic and hope for readers to put forth their thoughts and opinions too? It’s easy to think of the good and bad effects of anything and see if the good outweighs the bad or not and accordingly decide to accept or shun it. Here it’s not so easy because no matter how much we discuss the impact of technology on kids today, we all know its presence in our lives is only getting stronger each day and we better know how to deal with it, handle it and use it, else we’ll be strongly controlled by it even before we come to know about it.

As a mother of two – a kindergartener and a junior school student, and somebody who has the fortune of sharing friendship with many mothers whose children are in the age range of 1-16, I can say technology has become a permanent and integral part of our life and is thus welcomed by our children too. When a parent is in continuous association with some form of technology or the other throughout the day, is it a surprise that the child too considers it an essential part of life, that there is nothing wrong with it? I had a sudden urge to focus on the different modes through which most of the children around, including mine, are exposed to technology. These are cell-phones, computer games and Internet mostly that come to my mind, besides PS3s and a few other things that, of course, aren’t within the reach of every child I see around.

How is cell-phone affecting a kindergartener?

I have seen how my almost-ten-year-old son gets glued to it and spends fiddling with it in the car during some week-end drives down to an eatery or a shop because playing games on it is far more thrilling than looking out of the window to catch different kinds of sights or even a chit-chat with us sitting inches away from him. A great opportunity of the rare father-son communication lost right away, but who is bothered anyway? That is enough to inspire my kindergartener who waits for an opportunity to grab it and keep tapping it for a continuously changing screen. She knows she has an equal right to it since it’s her father’s and sees it as a great time-pass tool – as if we have frequent or boring family talks over the weekdays!

What would she know about the behavioural issues cell-phones cause amongst very young children?! Did you know that cell-phone is fast becoming a “coming of age”-symbol for the preteens in my neighbourhood? A mother narrated to me the other day how her naïve eleven-year-old daughter is not allowed to be part of the group of girls her age because she doesn’t sport around a cell-phone during her evening walks! It doesn’t occur to the girls that evenings are for playing around and making the most of the free time and investing in their health through outdoor games and not strolling around with cell-phones! I’ve even caught my son poring over his friend’s PS3 during the time I thought he was playing around!

The same boy, years ago, had once wisely told him his mom had said he should spend time on such things than have an afternoon nap (that was supposed to be a way of preparing the boy for adjusting to long hours in school when he was about to move up from short hours at kindergarten to junior school!) What I feel is children don’t really need cell-phones. Computer games is again another mode of entertainment that snatches away the evenings from the growing children. They definitely do make them more tech-savvy and smart and alert, but surreptitiously adds issues like child obesity and disturbed sleep patterns and often hyperactivity too to a teen’s and a preteen’s life.

My next-door-neighbour’s ex-tenant took quite some time to track down her four-year-old son’s short attention span in school to his long hours with computer games. And now I come to my favourite – the Internet. I see how Mindspark, an online Mathematics program my son works with on Internet that he has been introduced to in school, excites him and goads him to complete problems at his fastest pace to help him win stickers he could brag about in school. I also see how he can do research on school topics when he sits down on Internet, but I also wonder how long I’ll have to keep my watchful eyes on him lest something inappropriate pops up on the screen and draws an unsuspecting but curious boy into a world for which he is still not prepared. I also see how he is negotiating with me on doing fewer written problems (needed for a strong base) for more Mindspark time that involves just a click and pressing buttons. But I also think of how I had copied verbatim his hand-written notes on some Creative Writing topics on my laptop and then to thrill him had uploaded them on a blog area I had created for him and which I operate and he only gets to see once in a blue moon. His eyes glazed when his mentor at Magic Puddles, seeing it, had praised him, saying how well he had written about his summer camp experience there, but emphasizing that he kept writing in his notebook which I could keep copying. It gave my son a confidence and a much-needed push to be in the habit of writing on such topics.

Without Internet, would an eight-year-old’s writings ever catch anybody’s attention? (He had begun writing on such topics when he was eight which I later typed and uploaded). Thanks to computers again, my almost-four-year-old daughter, is picking up phonetics, though slowly, much before her brother had begun with it all in school, all because of educational programs shown on the computer in school now and then. So I come to accept that everything is not bad about technology just as everything is not good about it, either. But I do have a vague fear that technology is intoxicating us all.

Children are too powerless before it to realize its huge effect on them, too young to know how much of it is just right for them and that it can begin to control their life, excite them, and even distract them from their highest priority – studies – with new things happening in the field all the time. Being bitten by the technology bug is like catching a contagious disease. One boy in the neighbourhood gets addicted to it and it spreads like wildfire.

With many parents today working for long hours and returning home stressed out and tired, how much of policing can they do on their children?Let us keep a check on how much we are exposing the young, tender, impressionable minds to technology, at what frequency, how long, when and in whose presence (under a guardian’s watchful eyes) and most importantly, checking and controlling what exactly they get to see and experience through technology. Leaving them to research on a project topic on Internet while one goes for shopping may not be a good idea, as my neighbour feels. Let us explain to them they’ll be given more freedom in this matter as they grow and gain more maturity.

My son came home recently after a bout of cricket with his friends, a few of them older than him, asking if I could open a few Facebook accounts for him (he doesn’t have one till now), mentioning one of them has fifteen! Surprised, I asked him, “Why?” He replied, “To make friends!” When I said he is lucky to be in an apartment complex teeming with boys, many of whom are already his friends, he said, “But Facebook friends I want!” What he couldn’t or didn’t articulate was that he just wanted to be like one of those senior boys, moving around with an air of importance, and bragging about the number of Facebook accounts he has. He thought he could “grow up” in a jiffy the easy way! Technology, if used wisely (rationing of “tech” hours for right contents in the presence of a watchful guardian), will make the children smarter and well-informed. It’s like medicine – an overdose or the wrong prescription will do harm instead of good. It is also very addictive – even I feel so as an adult, as I try to discipline myself with limited number of “tech” hours with my computer.

Let us be wary to keep alive and strong our age-old Indian culture of working hard as students to be able to have a decent, stable future (that Obama is exhorting American students to do for a firm base in Science and Mathematics), not letting our children succumb to excess of technology and automatically pay less attention to academics and core subjects, while encouraging them to maximize the gains from it with the help of teachers and parents and knowledgeable adults. Technology will definitely leave its mark on our children – let’s hope it’s a positive one, on the whole.

Re-published with permission from the blog of ParentEdge, a bi-monthly parenting magazine that aims to expose parents to global trends in learning and partner with them in the intellectual enrichment of their children.

Tips on How to Teach Your Kids to Save Money

June 21, 2013 By: Bril

A lot of teens nowadays do not understand the value of earning and spending money. They were not oriented that investing is necessary even if they are still students. As parents, you play a crucial role in this area.

You should be able to teach your kids on how to save money. They should be able to understand the concept of money and investment as early as childhood. This will prepare them to learn money management, as they grow old.

Here are some tips on how you can teach your children how to save money:

1. Your children should be educated of the meaning of money. Once your children have learned how to count, that is the perfect time for you teach them the real meaning of money. You should be consistent and explain to them in simple ways and do this frequently so that they may be able to remember what you taught them.

2. Always explain to them the value of saving money. Make them understand its importance and how it will impact their life. It is important that you entertain questions from them about money and you should be able to answer them right away.

3. When giving them their allowances. You need to give them their allowances in denominations. Then you can encourage them that they should keep a certain bill for the future. You can motivate them to do this by telling them that the money can be saved and they can buy new pair of shoes or the toys they want once they are able to save.

4. You can also teach them to work for money. You can start this at your own home. You can pay them fifty cents to one dollar every time they clean their rooms, do the dishes or feed their pets. This concept of earning little money will make them think that money is something they have worked for and should be spent wisely.

5. You can teach them to save money by giving them piggy banks where they can put coins and wait until they get full. You can also open bank accounts for them and let them deposit money from their allowance. You should always show them how much they have earned to keep them motivated.

Money and saving is not something that is learned by children in one sitting. You should be patient in teaching them and relating the value of money in all of their activities. Children will learn this easily if you are patient and consistent in guiding them and encouraging them in this endeavor.

Getting my child to do what I want him to do

June 21, 2013 By: Bril

I had always believed in getting my older child to do what I want her to do (eat vegetables, go to bed early) by reasoning with her. Of course, as she grew older, the ‘reasoning’ became arguing and sometimes even yelling. When I felt ashamed that I had raised my voice and called names, I would tell myself that she had pushed me to the limit. After all, I had still communicated why she needed to do certain things.

With my younger son, however, I find that coaxing does not work. Neither does yelling. So I have to resort to some imaginative storytelling, some exaggeration (white lies?).

I used to find this distasteful earlier; I used to believe (rather naively) that if children are told why something is good for them, they will eventually come around to doing it.

I now realize that given constraints of time and mommy energy, I have to resort to methods that I earlier looked down upon as ‘underhand’.

Let me give you an example – my son needs a hair cut every three weeks (yes!) which he detests. I tried explaining the reason (he gets a bad cold otherwise). I tried saying firmly that he has to get a haircut, no choice. But he refused to budge. And it is not practical to transport a kicking, screaming four year old boy.
Then came the saving grace – a policeman! Yes, there was a neighbour who dropped by, in full uniform. And since my son wants to grow up to be a policeman, I pointed out the really short hair…and lo behold, my son was ready for a hair cut!

Now, when my son gets too rough with his sister or friends, or when he refuses to eat vegetables, I say, “A policeman is rough only with thugs.” or “How will you chase thieves if you dont eat veggies and become strong?”

While these methods are highly effective for my son (and are a blessing in disguise for my vocal chords), I still have not reconciled fully to this approach.

Should I not get my child to do what I want him to do, simply because it is the ‘right’ thing to do?

Getting Used to People

June 17, 2013 By: Bril

A child between the age of zero and five lives in a protective bubble. And that is a good thing because that little one needs to be surrounded by people that she trusts and that love her and will protect her at all costs. But even if that child has some siblings, those years are often relatively quiet and ones in which the majority of the people that child knows are primarily dedicated to one thing and that is satisfying all of her wants and needs.

Obviously this is not the kind of world that child will eventually live in. To say that very young children are spoiled is stating the obvious but that is natural and the way it should be. It is the task of older childhood and adolescence to begin to reprogram your children to live in a world the rules of social behavior are far more complex.

The first time your child will be exposed to that kind of environment other than an occasional hour in the nursery at church or at day care will happen when your little one begins kindergarten. There are a lot of surprises waiting for her there. But one that kindergarten teachers know is going to be a huge challenge is reprogramming those kids to the idea that everyone in that room is not all about them but that they are there to be part of a larger society.

This will be quite confusing for your child and many days when she comes home unhappy or upset about what happened at school, the heart of the problem will be this orientation issue. So anything you can do before your child goes to kindergarten to help your little one to learn to socialize in a larger circle of people and in a setting that is more normalized than the one at home will serve your kiddo well when those school days get underway.

Preschool is a great way to start that process early in life so much of that socialization is well underway before kindergarten days arrive. But if that is not an option or there are good reasons not to go the preschool route, you can find situations of socialization in which you can have your child in a group of many other children her age where there are some rules and the children have to learn to get along.

Even if you do not work, day care has some value in this area. You may wish to begin leaving your child at day care for an hour every other day starting around the age of 3-4 just to give her some time with others her age to learn how to behave in groups. This is a good approach because even if there are problems, you are right back and able to take her home and talk through what happened to help her make adjustments. And if she doesn’t go back until a few days later, she has time to process how to handle conflict and deal with authority differently so she has more success on the next outing.

This little exercise is also a good chance for mom to get used to dropping off her baby and leaving that child in the care of others to come back and pick her up later. Not all of the adjustments about the start of kindergarten are on the kindergartner because the parents also have some processing to do. And as you get used to seeing your child go into a social situation and come out better for it, you will be more confident. And your confidence will be picked up by your child who will grow more socially adept and able to deal with the rules of society long before kindergarten days get underway.

Effective After School Activities

June 17, 2013 By: Bril

When there are so many activities on offer, and each one looks as good as the next, how do you gauge the worth and effectiveness of these activities? Sure, you want an activity that junior enjoys. But, we really cannot afford to waste time on pleasure for pleasure’s sake, do we? There needs to be a grain of gold somewhere in there. Given below is a list of characteristics that any good after school activity must possess.

Clarity in objectives and goals is the first important thing. What does the course offer? How does it propose to achieve the results? How many kids make up a batch? Ask questions. After all, when you are dishing out the dough, you really need to understand what you are getting in return.

A good after school activity will provide lots of opportunities for the young to increase their level of understanding of complex concepts. This is true of recreational activities too. Learning to pitch a ball, or dance to a tune – regardless of the activity involved, the child should be encouraged to grapple with and conquer new concepts. This not only keeps boredom at bay by challenging the child, but also builds up his self-confidence. Development of academic, personal and social skills is one of the prime aims of an after school activity. As the skills develop, the child’s self-esteem also increases.

After school activities are all about boosting a child’s sense of competence. Good and effective after school activities promotes the resilience of youth and encourages them to grow stronger, be it mentally, emotionally or physically.

Safety is one of the first requirements of an after school activity. The staff should be qualified, adequate and alert. Never put your child in a program where safety is a matter of accident instead of a matter of priority. The staff should be friendly and should have a positive with the child. Therefore, the program should have professional and trained staff that loves to interact with children. The program should maintain a cooperative and supportive attitude and a structured environment. Participation and collaboration as opposed to competition and antagonism must be encouraged.

Some programs involve the children in planning activities and making decisions. Adults often forget to get the opinion of their children. By giving the children an opportunity to voice their opinion, programs become fun activities that children are motivated to participate in. Young people thrive when they are listened to, respected and allowed to contribute their mite.

Routine evaluations are an important part of after school programs. If the child does not benefit from a class, don’t waste time being

over-optimistic. Try something new. You are now ready to look for the perfect after school activity for your child. But don’t let us forget that having fun is also an important part of growing up. The child deserves a few hours of pure delight. Remember,

all work and no play…

Clear Expectations Make Discipline Easier

June 10, 2013 By: Bril

Sometimes it can be very challenging to communicate anything with your child. Setting clear expectations regarding what’s acceptable behavior and what isn’t imperative to successfully teaching your child right from wrong. If the parameters are muddled or the child learns that in one situation the rules hold true yet in another situation the same rule does not, it makes for confusion and frustration on both sides.

Sit down with your child well in advance and line out the expectations and consequences of misbehaving or a misdeed. Make it clear that in no uncertain terms is there any room for negotiation at the time of the infraction, and that should such a behavior occur you intend to be firm in your discipline. Rules regarding your child’s safety, health or well-being should have no room for negotiation when being set or enforced. Other rules can be openly and honestly discussed with your child and an agreed upon action should be forged that both parents and child can agree upon. If necessary, make a contract between parent and child. Lay it all out in black and white, in language your child can clearly understand. For younger children, you might want to develop a good behavior chart within the contract, and for each week that goes by without any infractions being noted, a favorite or special activity might be earned. The connection between good deeds and special time with mom and/or dad might be just the currency they understand.

But all children need to understand that disciplining them is your way of teaching them what’s acceptable behavior and what isn’t. It may seem as though children fight rules and regulations, but they truly know that such parameters are meant for their well-being, health, safety, and enable them to grow into a mature person capable of making wise decisions.

Ready for the Worst- First Day of Kindergarten

June 10, 2013 By: Bril

If you are the kind of parent that plans ahead, then the first day of kindergarten will not take you by surprise. When the big day arrives, the clothes are all bought, the list the school gave you is complete, teachers conferences are done and you may have even used the last few months before school to help your little one bone up on the alphabet, on her numbers, shapes and colors so that step into a formal educational setting will not be such a shock.

It’s like an invasion in a way. You are the General and you are preparing your troops to invade a foreign land to achieve an objective. The difference is the foreign land is not necessarily hostile, it’s a kindergarten room. And the teacher, administration and even other students there on that first day not only don’t want you to fail, they want to be your team to help your little one do great. The other difference is your invasion force is not a seasoned team of soldiers, it is that sweet little five year old boy or girl with a slightly terrified look in his or her eye.

But like any good General, you do have to be prepared for the unthinkable. You may make a lot of good speeches about how” failure is not an option”. But any parent who does not think about what can go wrong and how you will prepare for it and respond is setting themselves up for a catastrophe in the event something doesn’t go perfectly. But if you are ready for the worst, then your child can still have a great first day at school and get around the problem that otherwise might have ended badly.

The first thing that springs to mind when it comes to accidents or something that might go wrong is with the wardrobe. In all the excitement and nervousness, if your child spills either on the way to school or during school and soils her garment to where it is not suitable for using the rest of the day, you might get that phone call to come and get your child.

You don’t want to have to take your child out of the classroom until it is absolutely necessary. You put so much time and effort into building up this big day that to your little boy or girl, if they have to leave the school during the day, it will seem like a tragedy even if it’s only for the day. The solution for the wardrobe problem is one you may have already thought of which is to send a change of clothes. By keeping emergency clothing at the school in your child’s locker at all time, it is always there for her to change into and not see a major disruption to her school day.

Another crisis that can come up at the last minute is the sudden emotional meltdown of your child. If she becomes hysterical with worry or overwhelmed by the newness of it all, it can be a serious issue if you in the drop off line and you need her to go on in to school. This is not at all unlikely even if you feel your child is not the kind of kid who melts down that easy. The build up to the day and all the new cloths and the excitement can suddenly change course and create an emotional train wreck as your child looks out of the car door at the school door she must go through to start her new life.

But by having a plan, you can even deal with this. Often such melt downs are temporary. You can pull out of the drop off line and park the car and comfort the child. Above all don’t make her feel badly. Then if she knows its ok, she might recover and go on in. Worst case – you walk her in. That is not a catastrophe at all.

Your child must learn to cope with crisis. It is as much part of learning as books and assignments. And if she takes her cues from you that there is no crisis that cannot be adjusted to and no issue that cannot be solved, that will be a source of comfort and strength on that first day of school and for every day thereafter.

Connect with Your Child but Don’t Overdo it

June 7, 2013 By: Bril

We all want to connect and be involved with our child. Children of involved parents generally feel more confident, assured and have a higher level of self esteem. They excel in school and do well in extracurricular activities and with their hobbies. But is there such a thing as too much involvement? It’s imperative when you’re becoming involved with your school-aged child’s activities and academics that you recognize the line of what being too involved can be.

Remember, you’re becoming involved in your child’s life. It’s important that you don’t intrude too much upon it. Children need their space and privacy and they need to be able to develop their own skills, talents and abilities. In our eagerness to help our child succeed, it’s tempting to want to step in and start doing things for them because you feel they are doing it incorrectly or inadequately. But remember, you had to learn too, and this is their chance to learn on their own.

Be there to encourage and support your child, and offer praise at a job well done. But also remember to step back and allow your child to learn from their own mistakes, and to develop their own way of doing things. We all know from our own life experiences that there’s always more than just one way to do something, and just because your child is doing it differently than you would doesn’t make it wrong. Who knows, it could present a terrific opportunity for you to learn from your child as well.

In addition, try not to become too overbearing or nosy when it comes to their social life. Be available for them should they need to talk and encourage them to share their troubles with you so you can help them sort through a problem. But if they say they don’t want to talk about it or they just need some time to figure things out for themselves, respect that need by letting them know you’re available whenever they need you. This is an important part of growing up and allowing a child to figure his own way through things is an integral part of that process.

Successful Two-Way Communication with your Child

June 4, 2013 By: Bril

One of the most frustrating challenges we face as parents is communicating effectively with our child. Though we strive to open an honest two-way line of communication with our child, we become frustrated when it appears their attention isn’t solely on us or the conversation at hand. Yet we seem to find it’s perfectly acceptable to discuss things with them while reading the paper, folding clothes, or working on the computer and then are often left wondering when the lines of communication broke.

Children are by nature easily distracted and not always responsive to their environment. It is the responsibility of the parent to emphasize positive patterns of communication and ensure the child learns that ignoring communication is not acceptable. Early prevention, in the form of educating your child about the proper forms of communication, is the key to ensuring that the non-verbal agreement does not take hold. Teach your child by example. Remain completely and totally focused on them and the conversation at hand. Turn off the television; allow calls to go to the voicemail, or go in a room where there are no distractions.

Talk to your child, and explain to them in age-appropriate terms how they are communicating and why their method doesn’t work. Show your child how to communicate effectively, even when the questions are hard. Make yourself an active listener. Let them voice their opinion or side of the story and ask questions to ensure you understand their viewpoint.

Be constant in the manner in which you communicate with your child. Send the same message with each and every interaction. Allow your child to see that you will call their attention to those times that the unwanted behavior rears its ugly head.Kids will be kids and they will sometimes be distractive and non-communicative. You are the expert in knowing your child’s behavior and can best judge the improvement in their communications. The best way to ensure healthy communication patterns is to model positive communication skills.