No matter how young your child is, basic manners are something that he/she should conform to – there shouldn’t be any exception to this rule. You can’t expect your child to be perfect and well-behaved all the time; let us face it as parents we are not perfect always as well! Having said that, it is imperative, as parents to set an example for them and be their role models. So be very careful how you behave in front of your child. Now, there are etiquette classes and schools to teach your child the proper mannerisms, but it all starts at home! Saying ‘thank you’ and ‘please’ are common courtesy which a child should pick up as early as possible.

Inculcating these manners at an early stage will help in the long run, as good manners will become a habit for them and not just a trick that they pull out of their sleeves when needed. Good manners are also important when it comes to making friends and having a social life – for you and the child as well. Nobody likes to be around an ill-tempered, rude child! At school your child might have problems making friends and this could become a recurring trend in his/her adult life as well!

So, remember when you teaching them manners, you are actually preparing them for the long journey of life! Here are 10 manners that a child should learn:

1)When your child asks for something he/she should say ‘please’. For example: “Can I please have a slice of cake mom?”

2)When your child gets something from anyone he/she should say ‘thanks’.

3)If you are in the middle of a conversation, your child should learn not to interrupt unless it is an emergency. For this you need to explain it to your child that if many people talk at the same time no one can be understood so he/she should be patient.

4)Greeting visitors or guests is also part of them learning good manners. Saying ‘hello’, ‘hi’, ‘namaste’ whenever they meet someone is a must!

5)While it is not imperative for them to know which spoon to use for what purpose, but basic table manners are something that they should learn. Encourage them to finish their veggies and to not play with their food. If they don’t want to eat anymore, they should ask politely if they are done instead of throwing food around.

6)If they do something wrong or break something, teach them to say ‘sorry’. Make sure you don’t make them feel too guilty. If they apologise sincerely give them a slight punishment so that they know there are consequences, but don’t be too harsh on them. Otherwise next time they might not say anything out of fear or they will grow up to become defensive.

7) When they need to talk to someone or need to get someone’s attention teach them to say ‘excuse me’.

8) Teach your child not to comment on how people look or their physical attributes – this is something most children pick up from adults. So, be very careful what you say in front of them. Instead teach them to be appreciative and compliment people.

9) Whenever they visit their friends or relatives, they should thank them for their hospitality.

10)Before entering any room, they should knock on the door. And as parents you should extend the same courtesy to your children.

Use these phrases yourself so they know it is the polite way to talk. Give them incentives at the end of a fortnight or a month for behaving well. And then, there is always Santa Claus to remind a child to be nice and not naughty!

This blog is the tenth of a 12-part series on ‘Parenting is a Journey’. Ignatius Fernandez also blogs athttp://thechildisfatheroftheman.blogspot.in/.

On Sundays, young parents walk into Church with children in tow. Moments after they find seats, the lady opens her bag. Toys, books, crayons, goodies, drinks and other pacifiers come out of her bag. She is fully equipped to cope with the demands of her children. Even as she tries to keep the children quiet, her spouse looks on anxiously, ready to carry the naughtier child out of Church. What chance do they have of prayerfully celebrating Service? In malls, we see helpless parents trying to reason with their children, who scream for something they fancy.

If children are not taught to behave well at home, they will behave badly in public places also. Lack of discipline and overindulgence make children believe that they have the upper hand; and we become defensive.

Good behaviour is born of consideration for others – respect for them, their belongings, feelings and time. When children are insensitive to the needs of others, they will be rebuffed in some way, at sometime in their lives; sadly, we too will suffer with them. Isn’t that compelling reason for us to set them on the right path?

Let us look at a few situations and practices:

1) When watching Cricket on TV, we have the revolting sight of players picking their noses, biting their nails and spitting repeatedly. Embarrassed parents of those celebrated sons, squirm as they realise that their boys are watched by millions. How they wish they had checked those loathsome habits when their sons were small! Do we count ourselves among such unhappy parents? Unless such quirks are stopped, even as they start, exorcising children of those demons, as they grow older, becomes difficult.

2) Personal hygiene is another area of concern. Adults who wear clothes that stink, (oblivious of others) who care little about oral hygiene, who do not bathe daily, who use bathrooms badly (although they insist on using clean bathrooms), and who leave a trail of debris from uncouth behaviour, were once children who were given hygiene-concessions by parents. When such young people find partners, their behaviour could lead to quarrels and even separation. We may dismiss indifference to personal hygiene as a minor aberration. Why not tell that to someone who has to share the same bed with the offender?

3) Let us consider table manners. It is rather embarrassing to watch some children eat. The noisy chewing of food, scattering of food on the table, stuffing mouths, gulping drinks and ravenously eating favourite dishes, are all omens of untrained table behaviour. Ask a child to pass a fork; he passes it, prongs pointing. Our children should learn table manners to save them, and us, some blushes.

4) We tend to take appointments casually; seldom being on time. Children copy us. Soon, their sense of punctuality gets warped. As a result, they value their time less, and take for granted the time of others.

5) Disregard for others is seen in yet another form—snatching things from others. Snatch a toy, a book, a chocolate. We let such incidents pass. The child is emboldened, and in his adult-life will try to grab somebody’s wife, or steal a much-coveted, high-priced thing.

6) When children leave their rooms, they do not switch off lights, fans and air conditioners. They scribble on walls and write on their palms. After using the wash basin, they do not fully shut the tap. On holidays they waste time, doing little or nothing productive. How accountable will our children be, of the resources God gives them?

7) This indifference is also seen in the way they dispose of rubbish. Throw it out of windows or running vehicles or deposit it near the neighbour’s place. Surely, their civic sense is dented.

8) Seldom do we see young people tastefully and neatly dressed, carrying themselves with dignity. Instead, we see them in loud T-shirts and tight jeans, sporting a casual style. We let our children drift into such dressing habits, little realising that the Corporate world, which is thankfully returning to formal wear, will frown on poorly dressed entrants. Unkempt hair, unshaven faces, poorly matched clothes and shoes that do not shine, do not reflect good grooming. Our girls should know that showing more skin is not more beauty. Yet, we tolerate the supposedly popular tastes of our children in the illusion of giving them freedom to choose. Freedom is not license. The sooner we realise that, the better for us and our children.

Some of us argue that good behaviour ought to be taught at school, where we pay hefty fees. We need to look at that case again. Teachers, despite their good intentions, cannot bestow on my child the time that I can. Her time is divided among many. So is her interest. I can focus on my child. At best, the teacher can augment inputs given at home. So, the responsibility rests with me. The buck stops with me.

Re-published with permission from the blog of ParentEdge, a bi-monthly parenting magazine that aims to expose parents to global trends in learning and partner with them in the intellectual enrichment of their children.

Cooking is thought to be an adult’s job. But, nowadays children seem to have extraordinary culinary skills. The plethora of reality shows can vouch for that! You will be surprised at what these tiny hands can whip up! And if you are trying to get your child to eat healthy, then there is no better way than to introduce them to the kitchen. You can get the entire family together to cook. Invite some friends over and let them taste the amazing dish that your little one makes. It is also a great way to teach them to feed themselves in case you are not around or are not feeling too well. Some children are born with a gift while some just love to experiment – either ways having your little one in the kitchen can be a great fun activity and who knows you might just discover India’s next most famous chef!

Here are some tips that can make cooking fun for you and your child:

1) The first factor to consider is safety. Ensure that all your kitchen appliances like knives, peelers, graters etc. are child-friendly. These do the job and are completely harmless.

2) Second, make sure you enter the kitchen with lots of patience. Children will take time to understand and to prepare something. For a child the end result isn’t as important as the whole process – so make sure you make it fun and educational for them without losing patience.

3) Pick a recipe that is easy to make and preferably is a dessert – kids love brownies, cookies, cakes etc. and a yummy tasting batter/dough would keep them going!

4) When it comes to using the oven or the stove, then make sure you take over at this point.

5) Take this opportunity to teach your child about hygiene – ask them to wash their hands before and after cooking. Also teach them to wash the vegetables thoroughly.

6) Expect the kitchen to get messy! Don’t yell at your kids and make cleaning afterwards a fun activity too! Use plastic sheets or newspapers everywhere to minimise the mess – this way you can just toss them in the trash can once your child finishes cooking.

7) Dress them up! Aprons and chef hats are not only practical, but they will look adorable too!

8) While cooking you can teach them about the nutritional values of foods, the various techniques of cooking, which food comes from which region, which dish is a specialty of which area and other such useful information. Cooking can be educational too!

9) Give room for creativity – let them add their own touch to the dish. Don’t discourage them!

10) Fun is the key ingredient here – play some music, have a flour fight, sing some cooking songs (or just make up your own!) and relax! Let it be a memory that you and your child will cherish even after many years.

Happy cooking!

The Faraway Tree stories by Enid Blyton, Black Beauty, The Wizard of Oz, Diary of a Wimpy Kid and other such popular books are a must in your child’s book shelf. And we are sure all these classics are part of their collection.

Here is a list of 5 books that you can gift to your young reader and add to their collection:

1) Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White:

Listed as one of the best-selling children’s paperback in 2000 by Publishers Weekly, this novel is a great read for children as well as adults. This story is based on a spider named Charlotte who is trying to save a pig (named Wilbur) from being slaughtered. She even weaves the words “some pig” on her web to do so attracting a lot of attention! This moving story about their friendship with great illustrations makes this book a must have!

2) Frog and Toad Are Friends by Arnold Lobel

This is a warm, funny and fuzzy story about friendship between a frog and a toad. You will laugh at their silly antics, applaud their feats and will marvel at the relationship that both share – a friendship that is genuine and affectionate. With a simple storytelling quality and a touch of humour, this book has a fresh appeal to it.

3) The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

This is an enchanting story about a sour, rude girl named Mary Lennox. The story reveals her journey from India (where she is born to British parents) to England after the demise of her parents. This is where she finds a secret garden which brings about miracles in her and her friends’ lives! A wonderful and magical story that would fascinate every child!

4) Matilda by Roald Dahl

A renowned author, Roald Dahl has written many books for children and Matilda is one of his best creations. This story is about an extremely intelligent five year old girl who develops telekinetic powers and how she uses them to save her and her loved ones from bullies. A humorous and touching story, Matilda is a girl your child will fall in love with!

5) Diary of a Worm by Doreen Cronin

With great illustrations comes wrapped in this novel, a greater story! Simple to read the ‘Diary of a Worm’ has cute and vibrant pictures making it really appealing to children. The story revolves around a small worm in a big world – this worm goes to school, has parents and friends like all of us but unlike us he doesn’t have legs and he doesn’t take a bath! Funny and educational, this book is an absolute delight. And it may even teach your children to maintain a diary of their own, encouraging them to start writing!

Stock up your child’s bookshelf and let them enter a different world where anything is possible!