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Problem Solving and Conflict Resolution for Children

September 2, 2014 By: Bril

Children

As a parent how did you learn to resolve conflicts? Doubtlessly, your biggest influencers were your parents. You learnt your early lessons from them and unknowingly emulated their responses and attitudes when resolving conflict. Now, these are a part of your psyche and intellect more than you would ever want to admit.

Conflict resolution is not like math. It is an art that needs to be experienced, interpreted and learnt in our own unique way. When it comes to children, it is best to let them resolve conflict in their own way, albeit, with a little support from you. Here are a few guidelines that will slowly, but surely help you and your child learn conflict resolution at every level, whether it is for a very young child or an older child.

  1. Let them resolve conflicts. Don’t do it for them

It is challenging for any parent to hold back when a child is trying to snatch a toy from another child. After all, you want to instil the spirit of sharing early on, right? Well, this may not be the right way to do it. It is easy to swoop in and demand that your child share the toy or even take sides in your attempt to dissolve undesired situations that result in crying and heartbreak.

But intervention at this stage can prevent the child from learning it to resolve it in his own way. He will always look to you for support (if you support him) and look away from you (if you take the other child’s side). Both are equally damaging.

Next time you are faced with a similar scenario, try this:

If your child cries for a toy that is with another child, express empathy. “I know you are upset that you can’t play with the teddy now”. At the same time, offer choices to resolve the conflict. “Do you want to ask Amy if she can share it the teddy with you for some time?”

  1. Provide safe environment for conflict resolution

If a conflict resolution scenario is getting out of hand and you suspect it will result in a physical battle, it is okay to physically remove your child from the scene and explain that hitting is not allowed. Children need us to set limits when it comes to emotions that lead to physical harm. A respectful discipline option may not work in this scenario.

  1. Don’t shame, lecture or use an angry/surprised tone with a child in conflict

Children are even more sensitive to others than we are. So when your child hits somebody, don’t shame him by pointing out the obvious. “Look, how you hurt Arjun! He is so sad!”

The hitting was more of an uncontrolled and impulsive reaction than the hate for Arjun. Understand that the child has a wide range of emotions running through him/her right now,

Keep a calm voice. The child is already on a emotional high and doesn’t need you to contribute to it.

There is a tremendous amount of excellent information on these techniques and teaching them to children of all ages.  Google RIE and you will find tools and articles helping you to bring up self sufficient children. Make them part of your day, and a part of your child’s life and they will grow in depth and confidence.

Caring for your baby’s dental health: Prevention is the key

September 1, 2014 By: Bril

Dental  Health

Your baby’s toothless smile is one of the most precious things on earth. The appearance of the first tooth is something of a milestone in your baby’s and your life. But what is disappointing is that baby teeth don’t get appropriate amount of health attention, besides the cuteness factor. Generally, a visit to the dentist is occasioned only when there is a problem. This mindset has led to a staggering number of babies facing dental issues such as decay, scarring and caries. If left untreated, tooth decay can cause pain and make it difficult to swallow food.

New research has shown that primary teeth form the foundation of your baby’s future dental health as well as over all well-being. So we decided to put together a series of do’s and don’ts for your baby’s dental health.

Age 0 to 6 months: Wipe your baby’s gums clean and wet with a gauze or a soft cloth

Age 6 to 18 months: Try to introduce a soft baby brush. Continue to use water only for cleaning

Age 18 to 24 month: Introduce a low fluoride toothpaste

  • Remember, decay is caused by bacteria in the mouth. The only thing bacteria loves is sugars from food left in the mouth.
  • For breastfeeding infants (even without any teeth), sleeping with milk in the mouth is the quickest way to invite bacteria to gorge on un-swallowed milk.
  • The easiest way to clean baby gums is to take a clean and soft cloth and wipe your baby’s gums before she falls asleep and every morning. If the baby is going to stay awake, the saliva formation will wash down remnants of milk in the mouth.
  • If the baby uses a pacifier, don’t dip it in sugar or honey. Plain water works best in the long run.
  • If the baby has a habit of falling asleep with the milk bottle in her mouth, gradually replace milk with water.
  • Avoid adding sugar to milk and food
  • Fluoride is essential to your child’s dental health. Toothpaste containing fluoride is the best for everyone in your family. But make sure that the baby doesn’t swallow the toothpaste. Swallowing excessive fluoride can also result in staining of the teeth.
  • If your child already has tooth decay, do not delay a visit to the dentist. The primary teeth are very important for the permanent teeth to be healthy and in the right place.

However, teeth cleaning alone aren’t a guarantee against tooth decay. If despite taking appropriate steps your baby has tooth decay, it probably has something to do with the baby’s diet and warrants a visit to the paediatrician.

How to help underweight toddlers gain weight

August 28, 2014 By: Bril

 

Childhood Obesity

The travails of a parent whose toddler is underweight can only be felt, not described. Children usually follow a predictable growth pattern. They triple their weight in the first year of their life, and thereafter a kilogram every 3-4 months for the second year of their life. However, not all children follow the same pattern. Each child develops at a different pace. So when does a parent start to worry about poor or no weight gain? A month, 2 months or 6 months of no weight gain? Or more?

There is no correct answer to this because there are a lot of factors that can affect weight gain in a toddler.

  • Genetics: If the child’s parents are lean, chances are the baby will be skinny too
  • Dietary restrictions such as dairy free diet, vegetarian diet or a vegan diet can put the child at a risk of being mal nourished
  • Recent illness or medications can kill diet temporarily resulting in poor weight gain or even weight loss
  • Emotional upheaval: A change of scenery that didn’t go down too well with your toddler may directly affect hunger
  • An increase in height that precedes weight gain

However, if your gut feeling tells you to get an expert opinion, the best person to give it is the paediatrician.

Assuming your child has no underlying medical problem, you can proceed with the following to ensure that your child is getting enough calories. The rest will follow.

  • The best way to get your toddler to gain weight is to increase his calorie intake with heart healthy foods such as nuts, vegetable oils, dry fruits, dairy, carbohydrate heavy fruits and vegetables. Don’t forget the protein found in eggs, peanut butter and beans.
  • Avoid filling up the calorie count by means of ‘junk food’. These are empty calories that do nothing to help your child develop holistically.
  • If your toddler is a fussy eater, you have to ensure two things are always right. First that the meals are calorie and nutrient rich and secondly, that meal times are enjoyable and an unhurried affair.
  • If nothing else works, your doctor may prescribe a high calorie supplement drink.
  • Filling up on milk and other beverages is a common hunger killer. It leaves little room for other nutrient rich foods that are necessary for weight gain.
  • Increase the frequency of meals. Add 2-3 snack times to ensure that the child is meeting his daily quota of calories, as prescribed by the paediatrician.
  • Keep a daily diet chart of the child’s diet plan and stick as close to it as possible.

Once this checklist is in place and you have begun to follow it, do not be in a hurry to check your child’s progress daily. Let the doctor do it at a monthly interval. This will ensure that the child doesn’t become too self conscious about his/her weight.

 

Fostering a Love for Learning in your Child

August 28, 2014 By: Bril

Learning

So, your child does not sit in one place when it’s time for homework? Let us rewind back to the time when the child was a toddler. If you spend a fair bit of time with the child early on, reading, telling stories, writing or just listening as the child was trying to piece sentences together, chances are, you are not going to have to deal with this problem later. If you have been able to get the child into a routine of reading or any other form of age-appropriate learning, the love for learning has in all likelihood, already developed. The child now sees ‘studying’ to learn new things as a way of life and does not find it a chore to sit for completing homework.

The more involved a parent is in the child’s everyday efforts at learning something new, the more likely the child might be to take to learning naturally. Being appreciated for learning a new thing fosters the will and ability to learn more.

So, how does one inculcate the habit of ‘homework’ even though there is no homework when the child is in pre-school? Here are some tips for parents to experiment with:

a) Invest in Workbooks: Not all parents are internet savvy and not all might want to download worksheets from popular websites or from the school portal. If you are one of those, invest in buying some good workbooks from book shops. Sit the child down everyday, at least once a day, even if it is for 15 minutes and get the child to complete a set of chosen pages.

b) Allow the child to choose: Dictating the routine is important but dictating what a child needs to study when is not critical in pre-school. Allow the child to choose one of a few types of things to do. You might be surprised how soon a child’s talent for words or numbers is apparent. Encourage the child by awarding stars or paste stickers to acknowledge a job well done.

c) Make learning integral to everyday activities: Holidays don’t have to mean no workbooks. There are times when holidays are packed with social visits but then there are some when the child has ample time. Weekends can be fun learning time when the child is experimenting with cut vegetables or fruits or flour shapes or other such indulgences that need a lot of time and hence are tough to manage on a weekday.

d) Make every travel a learning experience: We learn a lot while traveling. It is important to make that learning process conscious for the child too. Every travel can include an opportunity to play games that are portable and fun.

e) Be excited about learning: If you catch yourself making statements like ‘No homework today! Yeah!’, you are indeed, making a child believe that getting homework is not cause of celebration but lack of it is. Who then, is, instilling the feeling in a child that homework is unwanted and is a burden?

A child learns best via role modeling. Love to learn and a child will follow suit.

Re-published with permission from the blog of ParentEdge, a bi-monthly parenting magazine that aims to expose parents to global trends in learning and partner with them in the intellectual enrichment of their children. This blog was written by Namrataa Arora Singh. After 14 years of working as a Talent Development expert in the Corporate world, Namrataa Arora Singh decided to re-invent her career. A Certified Professional Coach (CPC) from the International Coach Academy (Australia), Namrataa has been coaching women across the globe for the last 6 years. 

Image Source: [freedigitalphotos.net]  

 

Coping with Cyber Bullying: What Every Parent Needs to Know

July 18, 2014 By: Bril

When you and I were in school we might have experienced bullying, either personally or from a distance, in the classroom, the playground or recess time.  For our children today, bullying has taken on another dimension…the virtual dimension. This is something that you and I as adults may not even be aware of. But parents, this is out there and it is REAL for our children, especially our tweens and teens. Part of the reality is that digital technology and the internet play a huge part in the lives of our children as they use it for school assignments and their social life. This social connectivity can be online or via their mobiles, be it on Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp and other social media sites.

 So, what is Cyber Bullying?

Cyber Bullying has been defined as when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones.

It can include abusive texts and emails, hurtful messages, images or videos imitating others, excluding others online, nasty online gossip and chat.

The fact that cyber bullying can happen 24/7 [and not just in person], can be done in anonymity, and once out there can go viral, makes cyber bullying even more damaging than traditional face-to-face bullying.

 As a parent what should I know?

Signs that your child is being cyber-bullied and how to handle this

The first thing is for you to get acquainted with your child’s cyber world. Find out where your children surf, what are the popular social sites amongst kids and talk to your kids about the possibility of cyber bullying and safety. Do reinforce that even if they see a post that is targeted at another child, by their ‘liking/ sharing/forwarding’ it they are guilty of cyber bullying by association.

The next thing is to look for signs that might point to your child being cyber bullied. Some of these might be:

  • Changes in online behaviour– is your child suddenly spending less time online? Has he asked you about closing down his account, or about security features to block others out?
  • Distress– does your child become annoyed, upset, stressed or angry after he has been online? Has his school attendance or performance reduced?
  • Secrecy–does your child act secretively when using the internet or phone? Does he close down the computer when you walk into the room?

 Also Read: Keeping your Kids Safe Online

 As a parent how can I help if my child is being cyber bullied?

If you worry that your child is being cyber bullied, talk to him. Assure him that you are on his side, that he did not do something wrong and he does not deserve to be bullied. Here are some tips you could share with him:

  • Do not respond or retaliate. Tell him to talk to you about it, rather than ‘letting off steam’ online by seeking revenge online. It could make things worse and he might be accused of cyberbullying.
  • Tell him to block the bully and change his privacy settings. With your help he can also report this to the site administrator and the school authorities.
  • Help him save these abusive messages as evidence, like phone messages, print emails or social networking conversations/photos. He can also tell their friends that might be privy to these messages to collect this too.
  • Encourage him to be involved in anti-cyber bullying campaigns. There are many such initiatives online. This will give him a sense of control and empowerment. If he knows of a friend being bullied, remind him not to join in. If he feels confident, he should also stand up for his friend online.

Bottom line, parents you have to be aware and get familiar with the virtual world that your child is a part of.  In this case, ignorance is not bliss!

Happy Parenting!

Also Read: Teens and Social Media

Re-published with permission from the blog of ParentEdge, a bi-monthly parenting magazine that aims to expose parents to global trends in learning and partner with them in the intellectual enrichment of their children. This blog was written by Aparna Samuel Balasundaram. She is a USA- Licensed Psychotherapist and Parent and Child Expert with 10 years of experience in the USA. 

A Bedtime Story for A New Day

July 16, 2014 By: Bril

Bedtime StoryChildren love stories. All of our childhood, we thrived on bed-time stories from The Mahabharata,The Bible, Akbar Birbal and the Panchatantra. Sadly, technology has overtaken story books. Severalkids of today are just interested in thumbing through an I-Pad story by themselves, where visuals arefed into their brains. There is little space for imagination. There is no wonder or excitement of whatis coming next!

Bed-time stories help cultivate a bond with the story teller, it helps form a bed-time routine and nurture a child’s imagination and the capability to follow threads of conversation. Picking out a story is a rather difficult task than one would have imagined. There is violence and wickedness in so many story books we reviewed.

An important point, to bear in mind while choosing bed-time stories for children, is to weed out violence. We need to be more aware of the story books we choose for our children.

Today, many people live in fear. Boys and girls are caught up in this negative way of thinking becausethe stories they hear are filled with violence and terrorism that destroy human relationships. This negativity creeps into even bed-time stories meant for innocent children.

A brand new book, The Rainbow Chronicles: A Bedtime Story for a New Day offers a positive alternative. Dads and sons, moms and daughters can read this book and make the story grow into something beautiful.

The story is based upon a world where old and young people believe in sharing and caring for each other. It sets positive example by portraying adults as role models who inspire young people to live joy-filled, positive lives. In this story, Wilby, the protagonist sets out to find the end of the Rainbow before it is too late. This stories help build faith, prayers, and effort of young people to spread the love of Humanity, like petals of the dark-purple tulips, so that future generations will wake up to a better day.

Each of us is invited to welcome the virtues of love, sweet nature and empathy. No matter what belief system, physical appearance, gender, age, family background, race, or ethnic heritage, whether married or single, I encourage you to make a difference for good in the way you and your
family touch the lives of others through loving actions.

So, what is coming next? More dinosaurs or more flowers? A desert or a garden? In many ways, it’s up to you! Make sure to buy, read and act on this book. May you bring the Rainbow’s End home to yourself, your family, neighbourhood, and community, your place of worship, and yes, to the ends of our earth. May you strive to help others write The Rainbow Chronicles in their lives. May the breath of the Almighty, the Holy Spirit, always whisper love within you and through you.

Help For the Temper Tantrums

May 7, 2014 By: Bril

temper tantrumFor those of you that have raised children you know that times can be tough when it comes to raising a toddler. Toddlers are full of energy and emotions. Dealing with toddlers can be tough especially when you are in public and your little one starts to throw a tantrum. A tantrum is not the sign of having a bad kid, but a way that they cope with their feelings and emotions. The best thing to do in this situation is to try to calm down your child before it gets out of hand. There are a few ways to help your toddler when he or she is acting up. Remember, this is an important stage of their life and they need you to help them learn to grow.

One of the first things you might do when a tantrum starts to arise is to ignore their behaviour. Sometimes ignoring them may seem impossible, especially if you are not at home. This seems to be a very effective way to stop these toddlers in their tracks. If you are at home, leave the room or move to another room. Your child will then see that what he / she is doing is not working and may stop. If your child is one that has a habit of breaking things or trying to inflict hurt on itself, be sure to keep an eye but do not let the child know you are watching. You will want to make sure your child is safe as it goes through this. If ignoring the problem doesn’t work you can try talking to the little one and explain how you feel about the way he /she is acting. You may think it is silly expressing your feelings to a toddler but it will help them express their feelings to you later in time.

You might also try to imitate your child. This could cause the tantrum to stop or it could make it worse. Doing this has been effective in distracting children enough to stop the tantrum in its tracks. If they throw themselves on the floor, do the same. They might just stop their tantrum and start laughing at you. They might think what you are doing looks silly and they may just stop doing it.

If your child acts up in a public place, be quick and try to take him / her to some place quiet. Tantrums can be very stressful in public and also can be embarrassing to some. Try to stay calm and let your child know that you are not ok with what is happening. Let your child know if he / she continue to act this way in front of everyone that certain privileges will be taken away. If the tantrum does not stop, it may be best just to take your child home and let them get the rest they need. It is okay to feel embarrassed or mad. Try different methods with your child and see which one works best. Remember that they are only a toddler once and they will eventually grow out of this stage.

Image Source: [google.co.in]

Daily Chores Help Children Learn To Share Household Work And Take Up Responsibilities

April 17, 2014 By: Bril

KidsandResponsibilty

If you want to teach the right behavior to your children as part of your behavior management plan, you must identify and ensure that your children have some chores to do on a regular basis. This is because chores make children understand that they need to share the household work as a member of the family along with others. Making your children carry out some specific chores every day is also helpful in teaching them the importance of taking up responsibilities.
Children who do their daily chores with a lot of discipline learn as to how they can become responsible adults. Most adults are required to do several chores on a day to day basis in order to take care of the responsibilities they have. It is, therefore absolutely essential that children learn to do some of the chores at a young age so that they will not experience any difficulties when they have to take up more responsibilities as they grow up and become adults. Actually, children as old as 4 years can be given daily chores to do and you can add on more complex chores as and when grow older.
Chores That Can Be Given To Preschoolers
If you have preschool children, you can always give them simple chores that require them to pick up and keep things back in their respective places after they finish using them. To give you an example, the chores that you ask your preschool children to do include picking up toys and keeping them back in their proper places after their playtime each and every day. Preschoolers can also start to learn as to how they can pick up their room so that it remains tidy and how to put the dishes away after they finish eating a meal. If you teach as well as show them how to do these chores, they will learn to take up the responsibility for the messes that they themselves create.
It has been observed that young children respond better if you make use of a sticker chart to help them remember to do the daily chores that they are expected to do. This is because preschoolers generally would not have developed the capability to read. Therefore, it is a better idea to use a chart with pictures stuck on it to remind them about chores they are supposed to do. As and when they complete a chore, you can present a sticker to your child. Young children can be motivated to do their chores by giving stickers as incentives. However, you may have to provide better rewards in order to motivate older children to do their chores.
Chores That Can Be Give To School-going Children
As children grow up and start going to school, the complexity of the chores that they have to do need to increase and they should be trained to take up more responsibilities as well. The children of school-going age should be encouraged to continue doing the chore of keeping things back in their proper places as they were trained to do as preschoolers. This concept is best explained with the help of an example. You can teach your children to keep their backpacks and shoes at the places allotted for keeping them when they return home from their schools.
You can give new or additional chores your children who have already started going to school. For example, you can ask them to take care of one of the pets that you have at home. It is a great way to train them to take up more responsibilities.
As you start giving your children more complex chores to do, it is absolutely important on your part to teach and equip them to effectively complete their jobs. As an example, if you expect your child to put away his/her clothes, you should tell him/her as to where the clothes have to be kept. Moreover, you should also discuss with them as to what your expectations are so that they can do the job well. Finally, you should remember to praise them whenever they put in the effort and encourage them to continue to do the chore. However, you must never expect them to be perfect in doing their daily chores.

How You Can Help Children With Aggression

April 17, 2014 By: Bril

Pulling Hair! Hitting! Biting! It’s even possible that your child showed a fit of rage and lashed out or even hurt someone. Your child may have been bothered by some other aggressive child. If you’ve experienced these issues or situations, you’ve finally joined the crowd. Almost every parent struggles with helping and understanding the child when he hurts someone else. Most parents don’t even understand the underlying cause when their children are hit by others.

It can be a big shock when your sweet son or daughter suddenly throws something at someone or bites a new baby in the family. If you’re worried and need some help, you can learn a lot with the following guiding principles for relieving your child’s aggression. This will allow you to enjoy and relax with his siblings and friends.

 Helping Your Child Relieve Aggression 

 First of all, it is very important for you to understand that children never want to attack others. Most children just want to have some fun, feel loved and focus on their safety. Almost every child plays well when he feels connected. However, in some situations, children may completely lose their sense of connection. This can make them feel frightened, isolated or tensed.

When this happens, children may experience an emotional emergency, and lash out at other children or even adults. It is important to understand that children never intend to be cunning or mean. Most of the time, a child does not have any control over acts of aggression.

When a child feels safe enough to show his feelings, he would never hurt anyone intentionally. Children always feel a special bond with their caregiver or parents. Thus, when they feel attacked, they run to the nearest dear and loved one for attention and help. Most children start crying and try to release the knot of grief and fear they strongly feel. The person who listens to the child fall apart can give the perfect gift of love and care to allow him to heal from certain feelings which could be making life harder. When a child does not feel safe anymore, he may signal for help by relieving aggression in some form.

 Reasons for Being Aggressive 

A child who lashes out just feels sad, alone and frightened. However, this child does not look very frightened when he’s about to push, hit or bite. But his fears are always the underlying problem. His feelings are controlling his every action. Fear and threat robs a little child of his ability to feel that he also cares about others.

In such a situation, a child’s trusting nature is always crusted with a lot of different feelings. A child may be thinking that no one understands him or cares about him. If you pay some close attention, you will realize that such a feeling can easily drain a child’s face of sparkle and flexibility in the few seconds before he lashes out at someone.

 A child may experience these feelings of isolation. It won’t matter how close and loving the child’s parents are at other times. They will have to be considerate in this particular situation. There are even some children who are just occasionally aggressive and frightened. Other children feel a constant abiding sense of desperation and fear which comes from specific circumstances beyond any individual’s control. A lot of children acquire different kinds of fears and threats from medical treatments, difficult birth, unhappiness around them, family tensions and absence of loved ones from their lives. According to most psychologists, even a short period of frightening time in a child’s past can easily create hard feelings and aggression.

Caregivers and parents need to understand that they have tremendous power to help an aggressive child. It is also important to understand that a child’s aggression can’t ever be erased by simple enforcing your logical reasoning, punishments, timeouts or other such acts.

Similarly, some unnecessary incentives to control behavior may create intense feelings within your child’s heart. The underlying problem is the lack of connection a child feels with his loved ones. When you’re able to help a child see this connection, he will feel safe and secure. This will allow him to discuss his issues with you rather than just lashing out. Being considerate is the best way to help children with aggression.

Work life balance for a working mom

April 17, 2014 By: Bril

 

Work life balance

 

Perhaps the greatest challenge for a working mom is finding that elusive balance between work and home. Where exactly does work end and home life begin? Should you allow your family time to be compromised by last minute urgent work? Do you even have that choice?

In one of our earlier articles we had spoken about the predicament of an Indian working woman. She is a wife, a mother, a daughter and a sister, but the fact that she has a career too is just incidental. It shouldn’t interfere with her domestic life. That’s the general idea that her family has. Or sometimes even she could think the same. And this could make matters worse because she will frequently find herself in a situation where she doesn’t like her job but has to do it in order to support her family.

Today we impart some pearls of wisdom to all you mothers out there who want to have a perfect work and home balance. You can’t literally have it all. But baby steps will surely see you a long way through.

The first step is to acknowledge the fact that you will always be playing multiple roles. Acceptance is the key to a happy time taking all those responsibilities through.

There will be role models that you would want to follow. Women who have seemingly managed to master it all. But refrain from doing that. Your situation can never be compared to another.

It is in a woman’s nature to look for guidance and acceptance from friends, family and society. Indian culture allows for family to be around for help. Accept help whenever needed. Invest in a day-care without any pangs of guilt tugging at your heart. You are doing your best, always remember that.

Spending at least an hour of gadget free time with your child everyday has shown to make the bond stronger. When you are home, be there physically, as well as mentally. It is easy to let your mind wander to unfinished business, but training yourself not to go down that road will help you in the long run.

And lastly, listen to your inner voice. Your natural maternal instincts will always help you make the right decision for your family.

Do things that make you happy, and do it with your family too. But keep some time aside just for you. Doing things that you loved doing before domesticity set in will make you relaxed and happy.

 

 

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