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Raising an independent toddler

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Towards independence

Independent children are those who are no longer found holding on to their mother’s skirt. They have moved away from the mother in order to learn about their environment and about themselves. Mothers can make this process less painful for both, themselves and the child, first by taking the initiative to teach the child to be independent, and then learning to manage the child remotely during the period.

In a cartoon on parenthood, the sight of a mother duck, still carrying her overgrown duckling on her back makes her friend remark “For heaven’s sake, Martha, he has to learn to swim some day!” That pretty much sums up the need for mothers to teach their child to be independent.

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A thin line

Mothers need to strike a fine balance between teaching a child how to be independent but still have enough control over the child to be able to supervise and intervene when necessary. The parents have to walk a fine line and make a choice between being overprotective and letting go totally. Being overprotective can hinder a child’s development, while not exercising enough control over the child may result in children hurting themselves or others or damaging property.

 

How to  raise an independent toddler

Here are a few useful tips to help you raise an independent toddler.

  • Take yourself out of the picture: Make your child follow you around the house and then hide yourself in some place. Call out to them from your hiding place before appearing before the child. This helps the child establish the connection between your voice and you. Even if they cannot see you, they know you are around to protect them.
  • Separate baby not the mother: The way to help your baby to develop a healthy sense of self is by making the baby to separate from the mother and not the mother from the baby.

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Newborn Care During Winters

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Caring for babies

Those of you who are new parents will agree wholeheartedly that caring for babies is a daunting task in any season. Baby care is a specialized subject which requires 100% commitment from parents. If you have a support system consisting of doting grandparents, adoring aunts, fawning friends, dependable paediatricians and even the neighbour ladies who will drop in to care for the baby, you are one of those lucky people who will breeze through the initial months of baby care.

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What next moments

All parents face those moments of uncertainty when the baby just won’t stop crying. You have tried all known remedies. After spending yet another sleepless night nursing your baby, you make a resolve that you are going to be more careful in the future. Truth is no matter how hard the parents try, babies will fall sick. But one can take certain precautions during all seasons of the year to see that the instances of illness are infrequent and discomfort to the baby is minimal.

 

Common Winter Illnesses

Winter does bring some respite from the humid and sultry months, but it also brings its own set of challenges. As the baby’s immune system is still developing, they tend to be vulnerable to common cold and other winter illnesses like flu, viral fever, meningitis, pneumonia and bronchiolitis. Ear infections are very common in winter, and your baby can cry for hours without anyone being the wiser about what is causing your infant the discomfort.

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Want a Peaceful World For Your Kids? Make Sure They Are Peaceful!

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World Peace – One Kid at a Time, The Indian Way!

Over the years, we are living in a more and more divided world that is fraught with wars, terrorism and threats to humanity. If we are to bring back peace, mutual respect and tolerance, I feel we as parents must start digging deep into our Indian roots, while having a global mindset. The Mughals came in and caused mayhem in this land, followed by The British who caused severe economic and spiritual damage, while to a large extent even damaged the self-esteem of Indians.  They left behind an education system, that got us jobs and helped us communicate in the English Language, but it was and is still an education that is devoid of self-awareness and introspection. In essence, most schools offer literacy programs and leave the real education and values bit to parents. We parents too being the victims of varying degrees of colonial hangover judge people and so-called education and science through a predominantly western lens.

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The Indian Gurukul system’s foundation was that of self-awareness, introspection, dharma (righteous living) and the impact of ones actions and their equal and opposite reactions (Karma). This, with the essence of Sanatana Dharma’s intrinsic secularism that believes God is within every creature and there are multiple paths for human beings to realize him, have held India in good stead, because of its deep-rootedness on the home front (though severely diluted in urban settings post the British era). What is even better is that this Dharma believes in mutual respect and undoubtingly and affirmatively accepts that all religions when followed earnestly, peacefully and without harming fellow human beings help their followers understand the ultimate truth and find God within; irrespective of what they call this God / force / supernatural power / energy (Can there be any ideology more secular than this?). Yoga and meditation were an intrinsic part of the Indian education system but that too has fallen by the wayside over the last 6 decades in a career-oriented, competitive and marks based British education system.

Whether people would like to accept it or not, the very reason behind India’s secular fabric is because most Indians irrespective of their faith or religion believe in Dharma (At least to the extent of not harming fellow human beings) and Karma. These are more linked to Indian culture and way of life rather than being a purely religious practice, and hence has helped so many religions peacefully coexist and thrive. What is sad is that many schools, for the want of being ‘secular’ in a very warped sense, even today do not teach these topics through intellectual debate and experiential mechanisms like meditation and yoga. Enquiry and looking within is the foundation of a human being becoming self-aware. It is the most important aspect for people to experientially realize the oneness and interconnectedness of every person and creature on Earth and the Universe. Today many schools in the US and Europe have started adopting meditation and yoga into their curriculum, while Indians continue to debate about what is secular and what is not. Repeatedly neuro-science experiments prove the benefits of meditation and yoga on the physical, emotional, mental, intellectual and spiritual planes (Pancha Koshas) of a human being.

Just ask yourselves and introspect on the reason behind terrorism? It is lack of proper education and self-awareness. It is ideological differences of whose God is superior or wars between countries for the want of power and resources. Till we as parents and our schools do not embrace and communicate the importance of mutual respect from a Dharma perspective and experientially through yoga and meditation, it will become very difficult to prevent children and adults from getting brainwashed and radicalized by unscrupulous agenda driven individuals.

India with its rich heritage, diversity and culture is poised to show the way to the world. For this to be accelerated, the following quick corrective actions must be taken in our education system:

  • Introduce daily basic Yoga and Meditation in schools. This is the foundation for self-awareness and a human being becoming peace loving. Every Eastern Yogi and The Dalai Lama advocate this for world peace.
  • Have discussions and debate on mutual respect based on Dharma and righteous living (Age-appropriate lessons through stories and role-plays will help)
  • Teach the implications of free will and its consequences if misused from a Karma perspective (Age-appropriate lessons need to be developed). Karma in different forms is there in all religions, as it is a universal law (Eg. Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap in the Bible).
  • Emphasis that God is One and people call him by different names rather than completely avoiding religion in so-called secular education. Clearly tell children at home irrespective of which religion one follows, that people who fight and kill in God’s name are bad and cause a lot of problems in the world. Debate whether God has form. Discuss why form is given to a formless God who is within all human beings, to help give an abstract concept a personality in Hinduism and some religions, so it is easier for people to relate to him/her. All discussions should be with an intent to unify rather than divide. Bring in yoga experts and spiritual leaders from all faiths who speak about oneness of all human beings, compassion and love. Respect should even be for people who do not believe in God- this mutual respect is part and parcel of a Dharmic way of life. There is no room for hate.
  • Address how pranayama and meditation helps one balance masculine and feminine energies in the human body. Link this with how boys must treat women with respect. Yoga and Meditation help reduce the degeneration of the pineal gland, reduce aggressive behaviour and overcome the Ego sense that is the root cause of most problems.
  • Celebrate all festivals in school with discussions on the basis of the festival from the religious texts. Discuss how the festival is celebrated in different parts of the country and world. Do this without rubbishing any rituals and age-old practices to prevent children from feeling insecure / inferior about his / her religion / practices. Always focus on celebrating life rather than trying to rationalize and preach by being holier than thou.
  • Emphasize the importance of treading the path of least harm and confrontation while nurturing a live and let live attitude.
  • Instil a sense of pride in being the citizen of a country that considers the whole world and all people and creatures as its family (Vasudaiva Kutumbam). Instil purpose to carry forward this message to the world and make it a better more peaceful place to live in.
  • Address cultural differences and sensitize children to be ready to embrace the world without prejudice and to respect the local culture and laws rather than imposing their beliefs or religion on the local population if they choose to live abroad, while being comfortable and proud of their roots and practicing their religion peacefully at home.

Jayaram Rajaram is the Managing Partner of Bril who writes from his heart on varied topics with a Mission to Make Living Fun for everyone. The broad areas he writes on include education, parenting, leadership and entrepreneurship.

www.brilindia.com  | www.brilart.com

The contents of this post are the opinions of the author and written purely with the intent to unite people and the world. Nothing in this post is meant to hurt anybody’s religious sentiments.

Image Credits: http://dprojectz.deviantart.com/art/religious-Harmony-zocards-03-91437884

A no-panic guide to fever

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What is fever

A fever is caused by a number of medical conditions ranging from viral, bacterial and parasitic infections. Fever is one of the medical signs, an objective indication of some medical fact or characteristic that may be detected by a physician. Fevers do not normally go beyond 410 C to 420 C (or 105.60 F to 107.60F).

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A trying time

A condition like the fever in children is a real test of parents’ patience and parenting skills as younger the children the scarier it is for the parents. Fever makes children cranky and  restless. Sleep eludes them and high fever causes children to whimper through the night, giving the parents some anxious moments. Parents sometimes blame themselves for not being careful enough.

 

How to deal with fever

Understand that falling sick is part of growing up and no matter how careful parents are, kids will fall sick at some stage. But it is important for parents not to panic. First check the temperature using a standard digital thermometer or a temporal artery scanner. Use a rectal thermometer for infants and young children.

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DIY activities for toddlers- Diwali Paper Lanterns

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Tradesmen are busy people

You have been trying to get your dripping tap for weeks and your plumber has been playing truant, promising you all the time he is almost at your doorstep but some ‘urgent’ work has come up in the meantime. When the sound of the dripping tap and the thought of wasting all that precious water has fairly driven you up the wall, you decide enough is enough.

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Do It Yourself

You turn to, you guessed it, Google, the go-to person for everything from how to fix a dripping tap in 5 easy steps to making a paper lantern for your child for Diwali. A helpful step-by-step procedure and an infographic listing the essential items to learn your new trade of plumbing and you are good to go. After a few trials and lots of errors, you finally manage to fix the leaky pipe. The satisfaction derived from taking on a challenge and doing it well, you realize, is immense.

 

Festival of Lights

Diwali is the most popular of all the festivals in India and signifies the victory of good over evil. It is a time to meet family and friends, exchange gifts and burst firecrackers. During Diwali, every house is lit up with traditional diyas, decorative lights and paper lanterns to signify the move away from darkness and towards light. So what does the concept of DIY have to do with the festival of lights?

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Kids’ Kitchen Korner: Learning from the Kitchen

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A kitchen is a storehouse of our happiness. Not only does it contain the delights that satiate our sense of taste but also does well to bond us to our family through numerous memories of dining delights. Today we will use this happy storehouse as a creative place for our little monsters.

Sometimes all we must do is stretch our minds beyond the visible. Kitchen utensils sure can be used to teach how to cook and about cookware but can also be helpful in other ways. Below I am listing activities that will suit different age groups ranging from toddlers to 10!

MUSIC and EXPLORATION –  (1 year to 4 years)

A year in kids will begin exploring one of their favorite environments – the kitchen. Ever wondered why kids love the kitchen cabinets so much? The strongest reason is that they connect YOU – The Mother/Father to the Kitchen. They observe you cooking, spending time there, and nurturing them with the food you cook in the kitchen. Plus, if they want to be around you, they will follow you into the kitchen!

The other reasons are: Variety of utensils – different sizes, shapes, different sounds when explored + the fact that utensils are ‘hidden’ behind the cabinet doors, gives a thrilling effect to the curious minds. This makes for great sensory exploration!

You may set up two days in a week to allow kid/s to explore kitchen utensils. Either you can have them come in and explore in their own manner or you can put out a set of utensils and give it to them to play with. Each week you can pick a different set of utensils. Great music can be made with different vessels. Explore with plastic measuring spoons, steel spoons, glasses, containers, serving spoons, cabinet doors, etc. In fact, you can also teach them about loud vs. soft sounds and difference in sounds created by contact of different materials.


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 HIDE-AND-SEEK UTENSILS (2 years to 5 years)

I must admit that I owe a lot of my creative ideas to my daughter. I learnt to be very creative with games and art since her birth. Until date I haven’t felt the need to look up a Pin-interest or to google games or art for kids. One such game which popped up is ‘Hide-and-Seek’ Utensils. Choose one cabinet to work with. Pick one utensil from that cabinet, show it to your toddler or pre-schooler. Tell the child to close eyes and count to 10. Hide it in the same cabinet at a different place, ask the toddler to find it.

Alternative: hide the utensil somewhere around the area where you are seated. Make sure it is easy for your toddler to find.

 MATCHING GAME  (2 years to 3 years)

Bring out a bunch of your kitchen utensils and identical / matching plastic utensils, maybe from your child’s toy kitchen. Keep her and your utensils at a good distance of 3-6 feet. Pick one of your utensil and raise it in the air. Ask your child to find the same kind from her section as soon as possible. This game can be more fun if the child gets a chance to run around. To do so, you could place your child’s utensils in another room.

 SETTING THE DINING TABLE – (3 years to 8 years)

Kids enjoy setting the table from an early age. Once they are engaged and understand that it is a way to participate in family chores and bond more closely, they want to do it more. Give them a chance every weekend to set the table under your supervision. If you are concerned about glassware, you may inform them that you will need to hold alongside or you may let them arrange one mat with plastic ware.

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X COOKING – (3 years to 10 years)

Involve children in cooking, small or big. It could be lemonade, chocolate shake, pasta, rice, or pancakes. Cooking teaches children several things:

  1. They have the power to create something that nurtures family members
  2. Promotes independence, creativity, and self-confidence
  3. Helps bond with either or both parents
  4. Develops skills in relevant areas
  5. Provides opportunity for self-exploration and fun

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Children can also be mere helpers. My daughter would peel onions and garlic for me from age 2 years 7 months. Even if she did just 3 pods, she learnt a lot and enjoyed it thoroughly! Kids can also pretend to cook in their utensils within your kitchen area while you cook. This makes a good role model for their learning.

ART – (4 years – 8 years)

Use utensils to teach tracing. Place any utensil like bowl, spoon on a plain paper and have your child trace it. Tracing is a great skill in art and promotes co-ordination of fine and gross motor movements with the eye and brain. For older kids, you can have them do ‘object drawing’ – place an object in front of them and have them copy it on paper. You can also get craftsy e.g. tape a plastic spoon on paper and allow child to decorate it with pompoms, glitter, fuzzy sticks, stickers, etc.

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Teaching them that kitchenware can be used in ways more than one helps them broaden their minds and promotes problem-solving. I offer kitchen utensils to children to use with play-doh. Rolling pins for rolling, fork for designs, spoons and bowls for impressions, etc.

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MATH with UTENSILS

Who said we need paper and pencil for math? Use the below ingredients indoors in large containers or outdoors on the grass, for fun play + math with measurements + motor skills: measuring spoons, container filled with rice, another container filled with beans or legumes, water is optional.

Ask questions like – how many scoops of this measuring cup will fill this glass with rice? Kids must conduct the activity and give the answer. Kids can learn to measure within scoop sizes e.g. how many of ½ tsp scoops we need to fill one Tbsp.

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Although I focused this article on kitchen utensils, there are numerous other things in our kitchens that can be used as play and learning items for our children. Foils for making ball, throwing, foils for art, strainers as bats or for ball toss, plastic glasses to balance, etc. Challenge your mind to pick an item every week and use it to teach your child.

Re-published with permission from the blog of ParentEdge, a bi-monthly parenting magazine that aims to expose parents to global trends in learning and partner with them in the intellectual enrichment of their children. This blog was written by Rima Desai.

Rima’s has a Master’s Degree in Psychology from Mumbai, and is a certified Childcare Professional and Life Coach from USA. She has written numerous articles for parents and women in Tanzania, India, and in USA. Her work includes writing for airline magazines and editing internationally published books. She has extensive experience in training teachers and parents and working with children aged 2-7 years. Her parenting page can be accessed at Parenting Booth , and her personal blog here.

Why the Japanese Children are So Well Behaved

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Ever seen how a pre-primary class progresses in Japan or the recess time of a Japanese primary school? Even if you haven’t actually been there, there are plenty of video clips going around to show you that Japanese children are unusually well behaved and look like the parts of a well oiled machinery, not a single kid straying from whatever is in progress.

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What makes Japanese kids so well behaved? (if “well behaved” is indeed the correct term).

A lot stems from the Japanese society and how it coped after the WW2. As an entire country, they had to rebuild their lives and as an offshoot of all the carnage that took place, they started laying stress on being able to live together happily and amicably. It is no wonder then, that children emulated their parents and a whole nation was built on the principals of building a social capital, where children seemed wise beyond their years and very well behaved.

Japanese discipline is more about practiced behavior than about discipline

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The Importance of Self Directed Play in Toddlers

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Consider the following things and how important they are in your life.

  • Successfully finishing a meeting and coming closer to winning the contract.
  • Having close buddies that you can trust with your life
  • Getting the best deal out of your interior decorator/land contractor or other similar expensive deals
  • Having a great relationship with your parents and siblings

The above pointers are largely broad generalizations, but I’m sure you understand the gist of it.

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Fits, Faints and Funny Turns in Children

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On several occasions in paediatric practice we come across unusual mannerisms, perceptions, and behavior in infants, children, and teenagers, causing considerable concern. Many are dramatic, uncharacteristic, or repeated and finding an explanation can be difficult. Young children take to head banging, head rolling, body rocking, bed wetting nightmares, or grinding their teeth. Adolescence brings on obsessions, compulsions, and self-injurious or self-stimulating behavior. Medical evaluation hopes to make or refute a proposed diagnosis of seizures (or fits) and to provide treatment or reassurance as necessary.

Fits have several subtle and confounding atypical manifestations and many conditions mimic a fit. This is one area wherein pediatricians wait before putting a label on the child and are used to not having all the answers. Some events cannot be classified and we wait after a full assessment is performed and follow up the child till the benign nature of the events is apparent. And then we agree on channels for parents to seek reassessment if the situation changes. During this time, the parents are asked to keep a careful record of the circumstances of their attacks and eye-witness descriptions.

One common condition causing alarm is fainting (technically called the syncope).This is caused by a sudden reduction in blood flow to the brain, or from a drop in its oxygen content (or a combination of the two). Specific immediate triggers for fainting are a minor injury, procedures like immunisation or blood tests (or even seeing blood), standing still or standing from sitting after a long time, sudden surprises/shocks, exercise, etc. Premonitory symptoms include light-headedness, feeling hot and sweaty, nausea and not uncommonly, visual disturbance. When loss of consciousness occurs, there may be associated loss of muscle tone often with a relatively gradual rather than an abrupt onset (‘swoon’) but many will have anoxic fits with stiffening and jerking of the body. This does not qualify as a seizure disorder and is usually not treated. However a tongue bite, passing of urine or stools in unawareness or a prolonged confusion after recovery is suggestive of a fit and will require more investigations.

What is important is to remember that fainting can be a symptom of abnormal heart function (disturbances in rhythm or musculature) which could cause sudden death if not treated. Therefore all children with recurrent or unexplained fainting should have a standard cardiac evaluation (especially if  there are reports of sudden deaths in young adults in the family).

Some other conditions that you may come across:

  • Sleep disorders are unusual behavioural and/or physiological events that limit sleep, interfere with certain stages of sleep or disrupt the sleep-wake transition , and may resemble fits. Narcolepsy is a condition where the affected child is likely to become drowsy or to fall asleep, often at inappropriate times and places. Daytime sleep attacks may occur with or without warning and may be irresistible.
  • Pseudo seizure is the term given to illness behaviour presenting as a fit and indicates significant psychological disturbance and is a challenge to treat. Goal-directed behaviours, expressions of anger or violence, or uncoordinated flailing movements of the extremities are likely signs of pseudo seizures and injuries rarely occur in the episodes.
  • Children who daydream are sometimes referred to the doctor because of concern that they may have childhood absence epilepsy. This is a condition in which the child has fits occurring as staring spells during which he or she is not aware or responsive. An EEG test is often needed to make a diagnosis.
  • It is not unusual for children to present with migraine headaches associated with dizziness, nausea, abnormal sensations and visual disturbance. They can be treated with medication.
  • Children can experience what is called vertigo or giddiness, which is described as a sensation of whirling and loss of balance, associated particularly with looking down from a great height. This is caused by disease affecting the inner ear or the stimulating nerve and can be treated.

Fits, faints and funny turns remain memorable accounts in a physician’s drama and many episodes lead to insightful learning!

Re-published with permission from the blog of ParentEdge, a bi-monthly parenting magazine that aims to expose parents to global trends in learning and partner with them in the intellectual enrichment of their children. This blog was written byDr. Krishna Mahathi

Dr. Krishna Mahathi holds diplomas in Pediatrics and in the management of allergies and asthma. Years of working and interacting with children and parents have given her insight into developmental disabilities. She wishes that there was more awareness and acceptance of the issues that differently-abled children face and hopes that through this blog, she can enable thse children and their families to make sensible and informed choices.

Mom Tips – How to Start Going Out and Meet Other New Moms

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18 (1)Early motherhood days can be quite chaotic and leave you feeling lonely, especially when the relatives have all left and also if your spouse has a 9 to 5 job.

We spoke to a few new mothers and here’s what they have to say about the importance of meeting other moms and new moms in your circle. Incase you don’t have a circle, we suggest you go out and find one. Here’s why:

Anita Sahay, mother to 6 month old Aniket.

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